interesting

Now what i find is funny is that i am actually keeping up with this now.  I was never one for blogging but hey who knows maybe this will be a good one to keep up even if it is only every once in a while.   I'm home now and so life is pretty dull but nice.  It's been great seeing my boyfriend and even though he drives me up the wall everyday i have with him is a blessing.   mom is driving me nuts.  She just talks and talks and talks.  I love her dearly but there are times i just want to tell her to be quiet.  I try to tell someone something and then she comes in and its like my convo was not important or that i dont say things fast enough for her.  but idk... either way it is going to be a long summer... thank goodness i start working in like 2 weeks.  hope life is well for cyber land! 

Memoir

I have realized that memoir is whatever you want it to be.  Everyone has one even when it is not written down.  Memoir cannot be easily defined but memoir just is.  It is a way to record or express your life in whatever form you want to.  Memoir is scandelous, happy and rediculous.  But so is life.  Life is everything and more.  

PAst and Racism

So today in class we were talking about racism and the question of past influence of past problems.  I in some ways believe that yes, it should be talked about but not used as a tool of "my brothers" or " my people".  I think it's great to know where someone came from to know how things have changed but the point of it was not you is very valid.  

Also i do believe that it is generational to pass racism but I also believe that it is also generational to NOT pass racism along.  If we start now trying to teach some form of  equality, just like all negativity it will eventually subside.  But also like all negativity and change it will take awhile.  It is also a regional thing.  I think it is more blatant racism in the south but more subtle when in the north.  That is a huge generalization but it really does depend on the region.

And this is the last thing i swear...lol... the confederate flag thing at Ole Miss today really bothered me.  This was mainly because it is simply a heritage thing it is not necessarily a racism thing.  I am from the south and my dad is from the south.  We are proud of that but because we have a few confederate flags and proudly have then elsewhere does not mean that we are racist or that it is a sign of racism.  And if I remember, it wasn't even the official flag of the confederacy.  So just because someone flies a confederate flag  does not mean that they are racist.

Real Vs. Virtual old

So I've been thinking alot about this whole virtual real and real self thing.  I wonder about myself now, how much of me is real and how much isn't?  What is it that I want people to know about my real self and my virtual self?  Where do they overlap?  I don't know it seems like we all have things to hide so does the real really exist?  I dont know.... it so confusing.  People in general are confusing and i feel like this just adds another demension of confusion.

dreams

So I had this crazy dream that I was in a law and order SVU episode.  We caught the bad guy but on the down side I was about to get raped ad killed by this guy when I woke up.  I was terrified.  I am not really sure how I ended up having a dream about this but it was not fun.  I was a lot of Law and order but I have never had this happen.  All I know is that I am not watching SVU for a while or watching anything like that right before I go to bed.

life

I feel like i am always in a battle with myself.   i never know what is the right thing to say or do.  I feel like i am failing in various relationships while other are thriving.  why can't the ones i want to thrive, thrive and the ones i dont care just go away.  I am confused with what i need in my personal life and can't seem to get it right.  

but enough about me... so what does everyone think of the movie?  I do quite like it.  I love the varying personalities of the girls in Little Women.  They just crack me up.

so i lied...

I thought I had nothing to say but thinking... well that is always dangerous.  It bothers me how the past always seems to bit me in the ass.  I think that I am past something but... i'm not.  i was on the phone last night with someone and i got to thinking about them and i just can't figure it out.  i don't know what it is.. when i think about them i still wonder today what it would have been like.  i just don't know.  i am happy now but will i be in years to come?  will i be happy with how life panned out years from now?  I just don't know.  every time i hear that he is engaged a little piece of me gets jealous and thinks to myself hey that could have been me.  i made the decision but still was it right?  i still don't know...